It's totally different! This one says "from." Totally different.

Late Thursday I was startled by the sound of 250 million Americans simultaneously yawning and I figured it must be because Contract With America II, this time called "Contract from America", was finally unveiled after many months of intense anticipation.

Let's take a look. Remember, this took a lot of time and money to create.

1. Protect the Constitution: Require each bill to identify the specific provision of the Constitution that gives Congress the power to do what the bill does.

I struggle to think of a more meaningless gesture. So the hated health care bill would have "See: Commerce clause" tacked on the end. WOLVERINES!!!!11!!!

2. Reject Cap & Trade: Stop costly new regulations that would increase unemployment, raise consumer prices, and weaken the nation’s global competitiveness with virtually no impact on global temperatures.

3. Demand a Balanced Budget: Begin the Constitutional amendment process to require a balanced budget with a two-thirds majority needed for any tax hike.

Good luck with that, assheads. The next Republican president will love this.

4. Enact Fundamental Tax Reform: Adopt a simple and fair single-rate tax system by scrapping the internal revenue code and replacing it with one that is no longer than 4,543 words—the length of the original Constitution.

This was a big winner for the Steve Forbes campaign, so it only makes sense to resurrect it. Nice meaningless symbolic gesture for good measure.

5. Restore Fiscal Responsibility & Constitutionally Limited Government in Washington: Create a Blue Ribbon taskforce that engages in a complete audit of federal agencies and programs, assessing their Constitutionality, and identifying duplication, waste, ineffectiveness, and agencies and programs better left for the states or local authorities, or ripe for wholesale reform or elimination due to our efforts to restore limited government consistent with the US Constitution’s meaning.

They actually posit a "Blue Ribbon taskforce" as a solution to something. I should point out that this is not a joke. This is for serious.

6. End Runaway Government Spending: Impose a statutory cap limiting the annual growth in total federal spending to the sum of the inflation rate plus the percentage of population growth.

Emergency supplemental war appropriations excluded, of course!!!! LOLZ!!!

7. Defund, Repeal, & Replace Government-run Health Care: Defund, repeal and replace the recently passed government-run health care with a system that actually makes health care and insurance more affordable by enabling a competitive, open, and transparent free-market health care and health insurance system that isn’t restricted by state boundaries.

8. Pass an ‘All-of-the-Above” Energy Policy Authorize the exploration of proven energy reserves to reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources from unstable countries and reduce regulatory barriers to all other forms of energy creation, lowering prices and creating competition and jobs.

9. Stop the Pork Place a moratorium on all earmarks until the budget is balanced, and then require a 2/3 majority to pass any earmark.

Congressional Republicans will be all over this, I'm sure.

10. Stop the Tax Hikes: Permanently repeal all tax hikes, including those to the income, capital gains, and death taxes, currently scheduled to begin in 2011.

I'm sorry, I fell asleep for a second. Is this dreary list of recycled Gingrich-era "ideas" over yet?