Melissa Clouthier sees too many slutty sluts at CPAC.

"Dr." Melissa went to CPAC and was totally appalled by all the whores running around pretending to be conservatives. So she came up with a bunch of rules they can follow so they won't be so whorish and slutty.

No, this isn't parody.

1. No cleavage. That’s right. Cover that up. I say “no” in absolutist terms because women will show a tiny bit and that’s okay, but really, in a business environment where ideas are the priority, a dude thinking about your ta-tas is counter-productive.

2. Skirts no more than three finger-widths above the knee. Why do I even have to write this? Well, because someone is allowing these girls out of the house with mini-skirts that reveal too much.

3. Save the stilettos for Saturday night on a date with your boyfriend.

4. Bend at the knee. No, I don’t want to see your butt.