Hmmm.

You'd think PJs could've found a better emissary to prosecute Mr. Hersh on the charge of journalistic malfeasance.

Like, say, Stephen Glass.

Glenn Reynolds, then and now.

Compare.

But since Kerry himself has made his war experience -- and his recounting of it -- the centerpiece of his campaign and invited us to judge him on that (and almost exclusively so), well, it matters.

And contrast.

Y'all Gonna Wanna Hit This.

Heyah.

Uh Oh.

Does this mean we can expect TexasDarlin "vlogs" in which she, clad in a bikini, enthusiastically performs acts that can be charitably described as child abuse?

And Why Not?

Goober:

Nice to see that Disney and Pixar can make mega-millions off of telling us just how greedy, lazy, and destructive we all are.

Maybe if you weren't so greedy, lazy, and destructive, you'd have enjoyed the movie.

Because Rumproast Wasn't Vicious Enough.

Rumproast = thrice shrill. Ground zero for PUMA catnip just got even more awesome. And just maybe I'll have enough like-minded individuals to start a gender-specific PUMA splinter group, Party Unity My Balls (PUMB).

The b is silent.

Lazy Ass.

Wingnuts love to ask questions and then make no fucking effort to answer them. Exhibit A:

So I have some questions for The New Yorker editors. How do you fact-check Hersh and do those methods coincide with your overall policies (if any)? Do you know the names of his anonymous sources?

ZOMG. If only there was some way we could answer these questions...

"Seymour Hersh writes about intelligence for us," says Remnick, "and he often quotes from sources without attribution. But as editor, I know exactly who each of these sources is. And the fact-checkers will speak with the sources and will ascertain that they stand behind the words. When Hersh speaks with a source, he will ask him if he is willing to speak with the fact-checkers."

And in this way The New Yorker's readers can be sure that the reference to a "highly-placed source" is not charlatanism or deceit?

"Yes, but in terms of the readers, it is still very problematic, and I most certainly prefer to attribute quotes by name. This is not always possible, however. Without unnamed sources we would not have had Watergate."

Weird Denial.

From Ryan Crocker:

"I can tell you flatly that U.S. forces are not operating across the Iraqi border into Iran."

The inclusion of the first six words sets off alarm bells because it gives Crocker a lot of wiggle room. He could likewise say, "I can tell you flatly that my name is not Ryan Crocker," and that would be literally true because he is physically capable of telling us that.

Sorry to go all Kausian on ya.

Glenn Reynolds' creepy, inappropriate photos.

A reader, commenting on Putz's pervy habit of posting photos of random chicks like this one:

Isn't lurking behind a campus wall with a camera, taking pictures of unsuspecting blond co-eds in halter tops, and then posting it without permission on his blog, a genuinely inappropriate act from a Professor?

It's total fucking Peeping Tom behavior -- and generating traffic by posting hot pictures female students without their knowledge or consent.

Indeed.

K-Lo: Bill Clinton is in talks with McCain.

And in the post she concedes, "I may be crazy."

Indeed.

Do Shut Up.

Gotta hand it to these douchebags. Their message discipline is remarkable.

You may like Obama a lot, but you know he is the Neville Chamnberlain [sic] of the South Side of Chicago...

Dollars to donuts, this is totally getting remixed and, if I had to guess, sung by Little Lulu.

Y Can't Megan Read?

Putz hehindeeds this McCardle squib:

Now the gun controllers pour out of the woodwork to claim that you're more likely to kill yourself or a family member with a gun than a criminal.

Some of the people deploying this statistic really ought to know better.

Yep, according to McCardle, a criminal is a deadly weapon.

By Request.

I get a lot of e-mail requesting photos of my office. This was shot with a Canon PowerShot Pro Series S5 IS 8.0MP with 12x optical image stabilized zoom. Please note the composition, which is an homage to Weegee.

A Poor Man's Poor Man's Walker Evans.

More tit shots, plz?

Republicans?

A nightmare scenario:

The committee began its first session with a ghastly overview of what a 10-kiloton nuclear blast would look like: If detonated at the White House, it could destroy virtually every building within 1,500 yards. People in an area out to 1.55 miles could suffer second-degree burns, while others would be injured by flying debris and shattered windows. Those 4.5 to 7.5 miles away could suffer momentary "flash" blindness, causing traffic accidents.

A lethal plume of radioactive material would, depending on winds, stretch as far as 9 miles, affecting up to 300,000 people, although injuries would depend on a person's exposure to radiation.

Hugh Hewitt:

[U]nderstand that there are millions of people who go to sleep every night and dream of such a scenario --and take pleasure in it.

Just Like Philadelphia!

Awful.

BAGHDAD (AFP) - An Iraq Supreme Court judge was ambushed and gunned down in Baghdad as he drove home from work, a court spokesman and security sources said on Friday.

Gasbag, Heal Thyself.

Putz is displeased that Caucasians insist on "comparing people to Hitler."

No word yet on whether it's still acceptable to compare Jim McDermott -- who in 2002 said a) that Bush would "mislead" the American public to justify military action and b) "that no WMD would be found in Iraq." -- to Neville Chamberlain.

Who, uh, served up Czechoslovakia to Hitler on a silver platter.

Asshole.

My Name is Harriet Christian!

Who is this roguish imposter? For the record, I, the real Harriet, have a confession to make:

That's me -- not Roger Stone -- in the sex tape. And yes, I, too, have a Dick Nixon tat.

It was the best 30 seconds of my life.

David Addington is a major dick.

And so is John Yoo.



These authoritarian cultists really know how to run for cover when cornered, don't they?

Obama's Bad Week.

G, as is his wont, is absolutely right:

The real danger is that those who defend Obama the Candidate no matter what he does are likely to defend Obama the President no matter what he does, too.

Truer words never written.

Meanwhile, I'm appalled by Obama's stance on the child rape death penalty decision, but not surprised -- as per this passage in Audacity of Hope:

While the evidence tells me that the death penalty does little to deter crime, I believe there are some crimes — mass murder, the rape and murder of a child — so heinous, so beyond the pale, that the community is justified in expressing the full measure of its outrage by meting out the ultimate punishment."

The problem, of course, is defining what constitutes a crime "so heinous, so beyond the pale..."

I know I can't, which is among the reasons I find it easy to be a staunch opponent of the death penalty.

"...You Who Stands in the Breach Against the Enemy. "

Is this the new meme? Apparently, we should kills lots of Muslims because of, um, a precedent set by a bunch of homoerotic animated Greeks. Huzzah?

For those of you have yet to see 300, do yourselves a favor and see it. (Warning: Spoiler Alert)

This movie is not just about the past. It's about today. Right now.

It's about each one of you who stands in the breach against the enemy.

And it's about each one of you who stands against the enemy within, who would happily widen that breach.

Today's enemy is Islamofascism, but it is little different from the hordes following the tyrannical King Xerxes.

Today's enemy within is the left, both at home and across the globe. And they too are little different from the scheming legislator Theron and the vile Ephori, who were willing—even eager—to see all Sparta kneel before Xerxes, just to gain power.

How is the left today any different? Do they not see their own nation, their own people, their own military as the enemy? Do they not seek to withdraw us from the field, to give the enemy the day?

And just as Sparta was the lynchpin that defended all Greece—that great cradle of democracy—is not the United States today the last bastion of freedom defending Western civilization?

But what care the left for Western civilization? They HATE Western civilization. They hate the men and women who defend it. They hate themselves.

I submit that this is sort of overheated girls-suck language is one of the problems with abstinence-only education.

But, dare I say it, I find this stirring:

Feel like the left is too powerful? Keep fighting.

Does it seem like their arrows are blotting out the sun? Fight in the shade.

Does Obama loom like the god-king Xerxes? Never kneel.


And so I say to the left:

We are the tip of the spear. We will fight you. We will never yield.

This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this.

"We are the tip of the spear" is so becoming my new sig file.

Bad on Barry.

He's wrong.

"The bill has changed. So I don't think the security threats have changed, I think the security threats are similar. My view on FISA has always been that the issue of the phone companies per se is not one that overrides the security interests of the American people."

You can pretty much justify anything lawless bad behavior, including torture, when you throw out the "security interests of the people" card -- and that's what BushCo has been doing since 9/11.

We expect better, Barry.

Dave Obey.

My post on Dave Obey and abstinence-only is up at FDL.

Didn't Democrats win the House in 2006? Some days it's hard to tell.

Good Shit.

From VF's oral history of the Internet:

Gary Reback: A group of Microsoft executives came down to Netscape and had a meeting, and the Microsoft people in effect said that if you’re going to make a browser that can serve as a platform for new applications it’s going to be all-out war with us. But if you want to do something smaller, that just hooks in with our stuff, we’ll give you the non-Microsoft part of the market to work with. And we’ll sort of draw a line, and you’ll have part of the market and we’ll have part of the market.

Thomas Reardon: The government’s argument that we went down there Mafia-style, telling Netscape that they have to do a deal with us or they were going to find a dead-horse head in their bed in the morning—it was kind of absurd. It turns out Marc was sitting in the meeting, taking notes on his laptop. They had contacted this famous anti-trust lawyer, Gary Reback. They had been working with him. They kept asking us these really loaded and weird questions. We thought we were down there for a business meeting, technology meeting, engineering meeting. And then they ended up taking all the minutes of that meeting, you know, and sending it out to this anti-trust attorney, who then turned it over to the D.O.J. that night. It was just a bunch of bullshit.

Paging Dr. Helen, masculinity alert.

Dear Putz,

Pink polos went out with Members Only jackets.

And are girly.

Sincerely,

BT

...PS: Maybe this wasn't the best day for Casper to call Ralph Nader "extra-white," eh?

And Putz Finds A Way Politicize This in Three, Two, One...

Awful:

Man in Kentucky Kills 5 Co-Workers

By GRAHAM BOWLEY

An employee shot and killed five of his fellow workers at a plastics plant in Henderson, Ky., on Wednesday, before shooting himself, the police said. The chief executive of Atlantis Plastics, Bud Philbrook, told the Associated Press that the rampage was a “total shock.”

It's A Damn Good Question, Tom.

What am I talking about?

Indeed.

This has been another...

Lowry, bummin':

According to LATimes/Bloomberg. Obama still bouncing alas. Bush's approval is at 23! Can it go any lower?

Pick One.

Roger Simon says neocons are awesome and that they "had virtually the only program, the only idea of how to right the world after 9/11."

However, Doug E. Feith told us there was no such thing as neocons and that, in fact, "the term has no meaning anymore."

I'm feelin' a bit of a disconnect here.

West Sieeeede, Bitches.

But It Might Be a Mushroom Cloud!

Michael Ledeen:

It would be churlish not to credit Helene Cooper of the New York Times for noticing, or deducing, that it is most unlikely that this administration is going to attack Iran. I hope that someday someone will notice that we have repeatedly stated this, but for now it’s quite sufficient and most gratifying to see that Ms Cooper is there with us. To be sure, she says that the evidence is “mixed,” but once she gets into it, she’s careful and accurate, and sees no reason to believe that we will launch any military operation against the mullahs.

[snip]

...The important point is that even the Times now recognizes the lunacy of all those claims by the likes of Seymour Hersh, and various lefty bloggers who I will not name for fear of contaminating my computer screen, that it was only a matter of hours before the big assault against Tehran was unleashed. The short, straight line to realize how crazy this claim was/is, is to ask yourself the question, can you imagine Condi Rice and Steven Hadley approving such a thing, absent some huge smoking gun showing Iranians murdering Americans?

Yes?

The FBI Has Not Learned The Lessons of 9/11.

It's been, like, what, almost seven years?









And...?

Amen.

A letter to William Kristol's employer:

To the Editor:

In William Kristol’s attack on MoveOn.org’s new antiwar ad, he assumes that the Iraqi war is moral, just and in our interest; then he condemns a mother who wants her newborn son to avoid fighting in that war when he comes of age, leaving the fight against terrorism to others so she and her son can live in narcissistic bliss.

But the message of the ad is that the war is immoral, unjust and against our interest, and that hawkish and narcissistic Republicans like President Bush and John McCain seek to perpetuate the war indefinitely by placing others in harm’s way. The poignant image of the infant Alex potentially fighting in Iraq or Iran in 17 years vividly warns of the dangers of continuing down the path of gun-toting cowboy imperialistic foreign policy.

The message isn’t someone else’s Alex; it’s no one else’s Alex.

Jeff Hersh
Austin, Tex., June 23, 2008

Stimulus Payment.

There was an envelope from the federal government in my mailbox yesterday. On the outside of the envelope was a mention of the "stimulus payment" I've heard so much about.

I eagerly tore it open and yelled, "At least! I can buy 18-year Jameson!"

But no. It was a letter, sans check, informing me that I would receive the check on June 27.

In four days.

Yes, my government is that goddamn inefficient.

Say Hello To Doug Feith!

His e-mail is dfeith215@gmail.com. Seriously.

If he discloses, say, how he manages to sleep at night, send it along!

Say what you want about Barry...

...but he knows how to throw a punch.

Keeping McSame on the defensive is the way to go. Keep it up.

Just A Thought.

The Swift Boat guys got started in early May. It's now nearly July and so far... not much.

Knock on wood -- is it too late to derail Obama?

Cunning Calling All Linguists.

Can't asparagus also be plural?

I hate to cut this evil piece of shit -- Bush, not Weisberg -- a break, but...

One More Thing.

I guess the funniest part of this bitchy wank is that the recipient -- the very fellow who "refus[es] to serve the reader of conservative books" -- is Sam "Yes, those are William Buckley's balls on my chin" Tanenhaus.

That is teh awesome.

[see also]

Glenn Reynolds: George W. Bush Is Impotent

It should be difficult to screw up commentary on Zimbabwe. Even basic reading skills will uncover plenty of material showing how messed-up that country truly is.

You can always rely on Putz, though.

"More on Zimbabwe: The silence of the world grows deafening as Robert Mugabe mercilessly crushes those who dare to oppose him."

The "human rights" community once again fails to rein in a real killer. Their impotence where it matters perhaps accounts for their stridency where it doesn't.

Point one: Which troops or economic sanctions does Putz believe are at the disposal of the "human rights community?" What soldiers can Amnesty International or the Human Rights Watch send to Zimbabwe to rein in Mugabe? And isn't one of the top stories leading the Amnesty International website right now all about how bad Zimbabwe is and that something needs to be done? (Searching for Zimbabwe there results in 688 hits - someone should have been paying attention. What about the HRW, then? Oh. 3870 hits.)

Point two: The linked article says that Condi Rice is pressing the UN to take action. Waitwhahuh? The UN? Action? Haven't we made it through seven years of Putz comments suggesting the UN is useless for dealing with rogue states? Isn't established Putz wisdom telling us that only America can build the sort of coalition of the willing dealing with this type of killer?

Point three: The linked article also quotes Mugabean opposition as saying that "the US and Britain must act to remove the white-knuckle grip of Mugabe’s suicidal reign."

But wait. So it's Bush and Brown who need to be taking action, but aren't? Yet Putz's comment in his article linkage says that it proves the "impotence where it matters" of those who aren't doing anything?

It's official: Glenn Reynolds says that George W. Bush is impotent.

Heh.

Please Hammer Roger, Don't Hurt 'Em.

This is sort of like that time I told Isla Fisher that I was withdrawing my offer of marriage.

PJ's Crackerjack PR Operation.

That's some high-grade funny.

Byron York is a liar.

Or an idiot. Or both.

The swiftboat veterans in that year were the officers who served alongside John Kerry in Vietnam. They had first-hand knowledge of Kerry's service, and they had a story to tell about Kerry's behavior in Vietnam and his later antiwar activities at home.

Wrong.

None of those in the attack ad by the Swift Boat group actually served on Kerry's boat. And their statements are contrary to the accounts of Kerry and those who served under him.

RI...Agony.

George Carlin deserved better than this. When someone really funny dies, you don't memorialize him by linking to the most humorless individual on the planet.

Shitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertits.

...Successful? Yes. Long? I respectfully disagree. It's worth noting that Robert McNamara recently celebrated his 92nd birthday.

How nice.

Racism? What racism?

Putz:

"Nothing has awakened normally complacent white Americans more than the prospect of America having an overtly nonwhite president."

Just kidding.

But the idea that there's no racism on the far right, as the wingnutosphere was running around claiming the other day, is rather absurd.

Saturday Morning Nemerov.

Sleep Tight.

Weak.

Spineless:

Michelle Obama has previously earned very critical reviews around here for her impolitic statements...

Weasel:

The love I have for this country makes me an American first, a Democrat second. Never before in my life have I been more aware of this fact than I was after I thought long and hard about Michelle Obama's comments, not able to brush them aside, though that was my first instinct and said so, only to hear her words flash before me again and again, finally causing something to rise up deep inside me to scream NOT THIS AMERICAN.

It's a lie because it makes a Republican look bad, Andrew.

Andrew Sullivan is baffled by Putz's dishonest hackery for McCain and the war.

I'm baffled by Sully's bafflement.

...TS ADDS: I'm baffled that BT is baffled.

QOTD.

In fact, I would argue that despite Kennedy's toughminded political cynicism, he's still naive about foreign policy.

So saith Jonah "I predict that Iraq won't have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it" Goldberg.

In The Presence of Greatness.

This pearl from Assrocket is priceless:

John McCain was in town for a big event at the Minneapolis Hilton and a town hall appearance in St. Paul. My wife and I waited for an hour and a half for a photo with the candidate; as so often happens, he was running late. I figured I'd have ten seconds with him, so I wanted to choose my words carefully. I decided to introduce my wife and myself, and say, "Global warming is b***s***." That seemed like the most meaningful message I could convey in the short time available.

Yep.

Classic Putziness.

April 22, 2007:

ARE THE DEMOCRATS IN DANGER OF LOSING THE BLACK VOTE?

That's what Don Surber says, inspired by Angela McGlowan's new book, Bamboozled. It's an interesting argument...

They never learn.

Cont'd.

John McCain, You Disappoint Me.

What's with this namby-pamby shit?

Let me be clear, under my administration Osama bin Laden will either be killed on the battlefield or executed.

What happened to the gates of hell?

Change You Can Motherfucking Believe In.

The Obama campaign hasn't yet adopted "eat it, whitey!" as its campaign slogan, even though professional writer Roy Edroso¹ has also used it.

One more usage and, by New York Times standards at least, it'll be a trend and we can all be profiled by Jennifer 8. Lee!

Yay!

¹Where's the novel?

Douglas Feith punks Glenn Reynolds.

Compare and contrast.

I look forward to Putz calling Feith a revisionist.

This Cookie Tastes Funny.

People who have sex -- or at least don't find it repulsive -- don't make this kind of mistake:

Today I notice this chocolate commercial which could be a K-Y commercial.

I think I know why Kathryn Jean has lube on the brain. She's suffering the after-effects of Rick Santorum's Senate loss, prior to which she complained that people

think it’s pretty funny that when you Google the senator’s name, you get a repulsive lower-case version of his last name, a word invented by sex columnist Dan Savage that refers to anal sex.

Well, yeah. As a wise man once said,

You know what? Fuck that. Fuck Rick Santorum. Fuck you too, Kathryn. We gave Santorum a taste of his own butt-sex-obsessed medicine—if he was going to obsess about our sex lives, we were going to give him a goddamn reason to—and it served him right. He was asking for it. Lowercase santorum couldn't have happened to a not-nicer guy.

Too. Easy. Must. Resist.

The old bastard tells me that Senator Obama's decision to rely on hundreds of thousands millions of small donations "undermines his call for a new type of politics."

Okey-doke!

Props to McCain's lackeys for getting in the reference to Watergate. Apparently, comparing Obama to William Jennings Bryan wasn't polling well...

...another thing: What possessed Salter, or whomever, to say "The true test of a candidate for President is whether he will stand on principle and keep his word to the American people"?

Um.

A few things.

1. BT is shrill.

2. I ran on the promenade last night and the rain tasted salty. Why?

3. Norb is also shrill.

4. "The Tide is High" -- Blondie or The Paragons?

Cindy McCain proud of Jim Crow, My Lai, Abu Grhaib, Assassinations of JFK, RFK, MLK, Torture, Walter Reed, Katrina...

(Pictured: Something to be proud of, according to Cindy McCain.)

Hey Cindy? Screw you.

I don't know why she said what she said," Mrs. McCain explains in an interview with ABC News' Kate Snow airing on "Good Morning America" Thursday. "Everyone has their own experience. I don't know why she said what she said, all I know is that I have always been proud of my country."

For someone who is of Cindy McCain's age to claim that she's always been proud of her country makes her either a sociopath, a liar, or emotionally five years old.

No adult patriot is always proud of their country. Countries, like people, make mistakes and often fall far short of their ideals. And in case Cindy McCain hasn't noticed, we've fallen short a lot over the past half-century.

What an idiot.

The Broker Told Me That 72 Virgins Were Part of the Closing Costs...

I'm seriously. What the fuck? William Buckley's place goes on the block and Goodwife Lopez's reaction is as follows:

Yes, it's hard not to notice that 73rd East 73rd Street is being sold by Barak realty. Read into it what you will.

Dear Lara Logan,

Marry me.

Please.

Love,

TS

PS: We're both Aries!

Harriet Christian wasn't bluffing.

She hearts McSame.

As this was a Brooklyn event, I hold TS responsible.

I'm sure these are selling like hotcakes.

OMG, I'm like going to order the whole collection.

Hugh Hewitt, Still An Idiot.

Yesterday, Mr. Hewitt had trouble identifying the easily-identifiable Mapleton Expeditionary School of the Arts.

Today, he writes, "I cannot find any evidence online to back-up Obama's claim that the school is majority Hispanic."

Let it be noted that this man wrote a goddamn book about blogging.

OK. Here are the stats (as of 2007):










A little math:

119 +
141
-----
260

260/
477
----
54.5%

That's what we in the biz call a motherfucking majority.

...hhewitt@hughhewitt.com, cough, cough.

Where's Samantha Power?

It's an impressive list of FP wonks, but there's a certain brilliant Irish redhead a'missin'.

What gives? My theory, which I realize is far-fetched: the risk that Power might rightfully punch Madeleine Albright in the face is just too great.

I Cans Haz Bak Deen Barnet?

Donald Kochan, Hewitt's latest intern, sucks massive amounts of ass.

I would rather set my balls aflame than read his treatise "on the subject of the 'fist bump' and 'respect', as published in the George Washington International Law Review."

Drudge Makes a Funny.

Eat it, whitey!

Hugh Hewitt, Idiot.

Here's Banana Nipple's latest post, "Obama's Magic School: Can We Have a Name Please?", in full:

Obama, extolling a new approach to education in Pennsylvania this past weekend:

When you start working with teachers, tapping into their creativity, then you start designing curriculums that tap into the childrens' creativity. I was at a wonderful charter school in Colorado, ah, that had designed the entire school year --each year was designed around a theme-- and this is a majority Hispanic school, but the theme that year, they called it "Passages." And it was all about the African American experience.Aand so they incorporated music, you know, ah tracing sort of the history of African music through blues through jazz to modern times, along with history, along with literature, and these kids last year, ah, the year before they started this charter school, about 50% of the kids had dropped out, and now a 100% of them are graduating, a 100% of them are going to college because they were engaged in a curriculum that was interesting to them and seemed relevant to them, ah, and they incorporated art and music to make school interesting.

Listen to the audio of his claim here.

I hate to be such a skeptic, but could someone send me a pointer to a story on this wonderful school?

Answer: Mapleton Expeditionary School of the Arts

Folks, it can't be said too often: This man is one of the leading conservative pundits in America.

Ergo, conservatives are greasy-balled wankers.

Is Nice, Yes?

Above: BT


[via LG&M, Cole and Thers]

"So much progress."

I sure am glad Senator McCain wants Senator Obama to visit Iraq:

One man lost 11 relatives, including five female cousins.

Oh look! Here's what Putz had to say -- a mere hour ago:

HEH: Remember Those Iraqi Benchmarks? Well, Guess What… "Democrats no longer talk of the 18 benchmarks for measuring progress in Iraq because so much progress has now taken place."

If this what progress looks like, I can't even begin to envision failure.

Joe Conason, InstaPutz Hero of the Day.

To Mickey Kaus:

I just saw your item from last April

and finally realized that you don't just pretend to be a bonehead.

What I don't understand is why a professional skeptic -- who, it should be noted, opposed the Iraq War from the get-go -- would give Goatblower Kaus the benefit of the doubt.

I Dig It.

Why Does The U.S. Government Hate The Troops?

The government is testing drugs with severe side effects like psychosis and suicidal behavior on hundreds of military veterans, using small cash payments to attract patients into medical experiments that often target distressed soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, a Washington Times/ABC News investigation has found.

Frankly, the only surprising thing about this story is that it was broken by The Washington Times.

WTF?

[via]

Hotacious.

I see the word hasn't caught on, but just in case it does: I'm pretty sure I coined it in early 1997.

Says The Guy Who Thinks The Iraq Invasion Was On the Level.

Putz:

GAY MARRIAGES BEGIN IN CALIFORNIA in just a few minutes. Nice to see people who want to get married doing so, but the process by which this happened seems suboptimal.

As it happens, I just found an Instapundit post from 1954:

DESEGREGATION BEGIN IN KANSAS in just a few minutes. Nice to see Negroes attend the better schools, but the process by which this happened seems suboptimal.

Noted Without Comment.

Taylor Marsh today:

Now I can say it. Ms. Doyle was in over her head from the start.

Taylor Marsh two weeks ago:

Telling it like it is, honest reporting, and giving credit where it's due has always been what my work is about...

Poor Woman.

I can't find the exact quote, but yesterday one of the brain-dead announcers said

Tiger Woods came out of the womb with an iron in his hand.

If anyone finds the clip, let me know. ¡kthxbai!

Hmmmm. The Drug Thief White Lady?

As one of the thread's commenters observes, NQ is "like LGF without the irony."

...Looks like Alfalfa's Flowbee's been doing a little scrubbin'.

Things That Make You Go, "Wow, What a Douchebag."

This is three bags of blivets shoved in a two-blivet bag:

The lease on my snooty looking British (or semi-British) automobile ... you know the one (it has a member of the cat family leaping off the hood) ... is ending, so I have finally succumbed to the car of choice in my neighborhood. I have bought a Prius.

It wasn't easy. What with gas running at the 5 number hereabouts, the local swells are lined up to turn in their Beemers for a 40 mpg car. Priuses are being snapped up the minute they get off the boat from Yokohama or wherever they're coming from. Since the Lakers are losing and no one likes Obama that much (surprise), cocktail conversation runs to how best to drive your hybrid for maximum mileage. I only got 33 mpg driving the Prius around the block, but the salesman told me it will improve after a few tanks and that some of his customers are getting 50. I'll believe that when I see it, but I'll report back after a few weeks. I don't pick up the car until Thursday.

So... does this mean I believe in global warming? No. I'm still agnostic on that one.

Ribbit.

Shorter Google:

"Suck it, K-Lo."

Slate:

Saturday is Flag Day. Will Google do right by America and stand up for Old Glory? Hwang won't say. "The randomness is very important to us," he says. "Otherwise it wouldn't be any fun."

On the other hand, today is Leon Wieseltier's birthday -- which I'm going to commemorate by being a more verbose, and more of an asshole, than usual.

TS's Morning.

Fox apologizes for "Baby Mama."

Will Malkin? Nah.

If By "Many," You Mean, Um, "Not Many".

Marsh via Putz:

TAYLOR MARSH: Many Hillary supporters can't see voting for Obama — at least not right now.

That ("that" being "that which gives Larry C. Johnson a twelve-hour erection") just ain't so. Take it away, Mr. Dickerson¹:

Let's start with the math. Clinton says 18 million people voted for her. That's about 13 percent of the electorate. Obama wins about 80 percent of the Clinton supporters in a recent poll, which means that the coveted Clinton-for-McCain voters represent about 2.6 percent of the electorate. These voters matter only if they live in one of the 20 or so swing states—they're not going to win Massachusetts for McCain. This means the total number of voters he needs to convince and hold onto is small. But Irma isn't one of them; as it turns out, she doesn't live in a swing state.

And even if Irma represents the views of swing-state Hillary supporters and hasn't changed her mind yet, she may not remain in that camp for long. It's true that over the last couple of months, polls that asked Clinton supporters whether they would defect to McCain found as many as 30 percent who were willing to do so. But these polls, taken in the heat of a Democratic primary fight, were meaningless. I agree with Kerry's 2004 pollster Mark Mellman, who likens the polls of Clinton's supporters at their keenest moment of disappointment to asking women (or men) in the middle of a heated marital argument about their Valentine's Day plans. In the NBC post-primary poll, tempers were already cooling: Only 19 percent of Clinton supporters said they'd vote for McCain.

Harriet Christian is the exception, not the rule.

¹"Irma" is a Slate reader who supported Clinton and says she will not vote for Obama.

This Has Been Another...

Althouse:

By the way, remember the AutoAdmit lawsuit? If you think those Yale law students ought to be able to sue the on-line idiots for saying what they did about them, don't you also have to believe Tim Russert had a cause of action against Ezra Klein?

No.

Russert.

That sucks.

Tim Russert killed Giuliani's election bid -- and for that I thank him.




RIP.

...Russert's death was so unexpected, the Wikipedia's editors were suspicious:

Yuck.

Ralph Reed on his new book:

I just didn’t feel comfortable with the profanity and there is no explicit sex. There is sex…because sex is part of real life. But it is done tastefully.

That's, like, what? Fully clothed?

InstaPutz Personals.

-- Plotz seeks Rosin

-- Leo seeks Claudia

-- Harry seeks Sue


Must have a disdain for cats, the Styles section and weak coffee.

Don't Be Evil Stupid.

Putz links to Slate's article on the Google logo scandalette and evidently is so miffed that, for once, he doesn't even bitch about being identified as a "prominent conservative."

This is especially amusing:

A few years ago Google lost its position as an outfit that people trusted because they thought it was run by friendly well-meaning geeks, and became just another big corporation out for the money. I think that's hurt them, and I also think it's sad, if perhaps inevitable.

Yes, Putz, it's hurt them so badly that they've outperformed all major indices in the past year.

I'll Take My Chances With the Rhythm Method.

AP:

A young New York City entrepreneur has decided to "have fun" with the campaign by marketing condoms featuring images of Barack Obama and John McCain.

Benjamin Sherman, who created the company Practice Safe Policy, says the Obama condom carries the slogan "Use With Good Judgment."

The McCain version says "OLD BUT Not Expired."

Yeah, like I'm going to sheath my jimmy with a picture of this guy:

Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?”

Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.”

(Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.)

Mr. McCain: “I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it.”

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”

Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

Not Boring! Really! (updated with gossip)

Actually, MY and JMM were excellent and put up with all manner of wonky and exasperating questions.

I sat behind a lady who wore a button that said, "I support Hillary. Ask me why!"

It was tempting.

For what it's worth: Nancy Wyden (proprietress of The Strand) is smokin' hot. Ron, you lucky bastard.

...So, while I was waiting for the discussion to commence, I heard Yglesias say to a friend that there was a "coup" at The American Prospect.

Anybody know the details? Has Ackerman returned and installed himself as Supreme Leader?

No Kidding.

R. Porrofatto:

That Roger Simon can be so deftly skewered by a recuperating floorwatcher with one eye tied behind his back and infinitely more serious business to attend to—like defeating the effects of gravity on beer—shows that our host may have had the vitrectomy, but it's conservatives who've had all the humor sucked out of them.

Thankfully, Mr. Edroso (said floorwatcher) is well on the road to recovery.

The American People

It amazes me that even though just about every Republican policy/position/idea has been thoroughly rejected by America, these people continue to conflate their extremist positions with "the American people."

Depressing.

INTERESTING, IF TRUE: A once-great publication goes from suck to blow in mere seconds.

EXCLUSIVE! MCCAIN BIRTH CERTIFICATE DISCOVERED! MUST CREDIT INSTAPUTZ!

And whaddya know... he's French!

Heh.

Stupid motherfucker (above)

PARIS — There is good news and bad news for President Bush as he pursues his valedictory tour of Europe this week, according to a new worldwide study by the Pew Global Attitudes Project. The image of the United States has improved slightly in many countries over the past year, the poll results show. But the new optimism appears to be driven largely by the fact that Mr. Bush will soon be leaving office.

Indeed.

This Has Been Another...

Daniel Henninger:

Charles de Gaulle once wrote off the nation of Brazil in six words: "Brazil is not a serious country." How much time is left before someone says the same of the United States?

None. That's what happens when you invade a country without cause; then, not learning from the first fuckup, rush to commit another. [via Putz]

The right wing blogosphere, punked again.

They never learn.

Is Dick Cheney physically incapable of telling the truth?

It does appear so:

Vice President Dick Cheney got into the mix Wednesday, telling the U.S. Chamber of Commerce that ``oil is being drilled right now 60 miles off the coast of Florida. We're not doing it. The Chinese are in cooperation with the Cuban government.

''Even the communists have figured out that a good answer to high prices is more supply,'' he added. ``Yet Congress has said . . . no to drilling off Florida.''

...

The renewed efforts prompted Florida Sen. Mel Martinez, who opposes drilling off Florida's coast, to take to the Senate floor Wednesday to -- as his office put it -- ''debunk the myth'' of China drilling in Cuban waters.

''Reports to the contrary are simply false,'' Martinez said, his remarks delivered just before Cheney spoke. ``They are akin to urban legends. China drilling off the coast of Cuba only 60 miles from the Keys, that is not taking place. . . Any talk of using some fabricated Cuba-China connection as an argument to change U.S. policy has no merit.''

Oh well.

Context.

Michelle Malkin once wrote:

I’d like my toddler singing "gook, gook, gook" or "sambo, sambo, sambo"...

Does she really? No, which you'd know well enough if I provided some context.

The "baby mama" business is a different kind of context. You'd think Mrs. Malkin -- who is venomous but not stupid -- might notice a difference between using a term with love and affection and using it with hatred. The delivery in this case is every bit as important as the messenger.

Quote of the Century.

Well, naturally.

Step up. These rats ain’t gonna fuck themselves.

Chuck Todd Sucks.

Here's part of today's Q&A with Very Big Deal, Chuck Todd:

Chuck,

In the last week, John McCain has denied voting against Katrina Aid when he did, twice, and denied comments he made regarding the media's treatment of Hillary Clinton. I have not seen reportage of these inconsistencies in the media, except for the latter story on Countdown (which is hardly "mainstream").

Do you have any thoughts on that? Am I overreacting?

-loosecannon

The smart thing for Mr. Todd to say is, "no, loosecannon, of course not! An informed citizenry is teh important!" But of course he doesn't:

I think the media will start their candidate fact-checking in the weeks ahead... i think there just hasn't been a focus on this right now as we've had to cover the Clinton end game and the general election launch. I suspect these candidate fact checking stories to pop up a lot in July

Hey Chuck, could you let us rubes in on your Village timetable? [via]

Yes, What If?

Bombshell!

A heads-up on an update to yesterday's birth certificate post - a reader born in Hawaii in 1962 lets us know what is on his certificate, and another strangely plausible possibility — what if Ann Dunham chose to give her son her last name?

As Rome burns, you know? McCain may be fucked.

Yawn. (updated w/ a stupid question)

Methinks all the probable Dem VP candidates suck.

Dearest readers, who would you choose and why?

(Bonus points if you can rationalize picking Joe Biden.)

...Just thinking aloud: Could Obama choose Cindy McCain? And, if so, would that have any consequences for Old Man River's candidacy?

Yum-o! Smells Like Hops.

To each his own, ya know? Shoulder blade-sniffing's not one of my kinks.

Don't Get Complacent, Lileks.

Roy will be back in a week and your ass is his.

Send him your best wishes, should you be so inclined.

"...and I can take or leave it if I please."

Weirdest MASH reference ever:

New York State Police are investigating the possible suicide of Samuel Israel III, the former chief executive of defunct hedge-fund firm Bayou Management LLC who was supposed to begin serving a 20-year prison term on Monday, an investigator said Tuesday.

A vehicle belonging to Mr. Israel -- the architect of one of Wall Street's highest-profile scams of recent years -- was found abandoned near the towering Bear Mountain Bridge over the Hudson River in New York state. The words "suicide is painless" were written in the dust on the hood.

...More here. I once heard that Mike Altman, who wrote 'Suicide is Painless,' was the only member of the MASH crew to make any money off the movie.

Scooped!

Poor Keith Kelly. That news was so much fresher when I read it yesterday.

Credit Where It's Due.

I recently asked in re Taylor Marsh -- of whom I have been, let's say, critical:

how will [she] ... rationalize supporting Obama?

The answer, which I admit I hadn't considered, is 'by being rational.'

The crazos are not pleased:



































It's as if Atlas Pam cloned herself and became a marginally better speller.

Creepy.

Dude, Just Shut Up.

Roger, I'm embarrassed for you.

Why would Lee pick this fight?

Unfortunately, it couldn’t be more obvious. Like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, time has been passing Spike Lee by. His worldview comes from another era and he has never really sought to revise it, to open his eyes. Proof of that is that for more than a decade Spike has barely made a film any of us can remember.

"Barely remember," eh? Some of us find it hard to forget the destruction of a city.

Safe to assume he also forgets that Spike Lee's last feature made an assload of money -- $184,376,254 worldwide. Not so shabby, Mr. Prague Duet. (A movie, incidentially, that didn't gross enough to refill my Metrocard.)

Proof that self-awareness is not universal, please note Roger's description of Spike as an "aging artist grasping for attention."

Ouch.

What About...?

Do widzenia, Poland.

The move has been positively received by Polish society and many of this country's European allies. But much still needs to be done to transform words into deeds and time is moving on.

There remains presently a 900 strong Polish military contingent in Iraq out of peak 3200 troops station[e]d there in 2004. The five year military presence in Iraq has claimed the lives of 22 Polish soldiers. Not much compared to US casualties, but enough to build strong opposition among society and numerous political circles back home. In the election campaign last year the Civic Platform (PO) pledged to cut short the then just extended mandate for Polish troops in Iraq should it emerge victorious and form a new government. In the first weeks in office the cabinet of Donald Tusk had officially announced that autumn 2008 will be the target date for withdrawing Poles from the multinational forces stationed in the south-central region of Iraq.

Could Someone Loan Me $28,500?

I would totally ask him lots of stupid questions and out-Flower Mayhill.

Just hit the tip jar! (jk. We have no tip jar.)

1.20.09.

The load Barbara Bush should've swallowed:

And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place.

The phrase 'too stupid to breathe' seems somehow insufficient.

Fixed.

Putz:

LAURA BUSH defends Michelle Obama's patriotism ... from goobers like me.

Um, No.

Putz attempts to exculpate himself:

DAVE WEIGEL: "The 'Michelle Obama tape' rumor mill started churning a lot more slowly this weekend, a development that, I'm sure, had nothing to do with Hillary Clinton's exit from the race. It would be odd if Clinton supporters were only spreading the rumor to keep superdelegates on the fence before it was too late, wouldn't it?"

The problem for Hillary is that it's believable her followers would spread a bogus rumor. The problem for Obama is that the bogus rumor itself was believable.

Indeed. It is a problem for Obama that a certain tenured douchebag and his racist, bloodthirsty cohorts seem inclined to assume the worst of people -- without any, you know, evidence.

Golly. Hard to believe Putz bought the WMD story hook, line and sinker, eh?

...Pretty much.

Larry Johnson No Quarter: Not Just Bugfuck Insane.

Flowbee's dank abode is also deliriously homophobic!

And there [Andrew Sullivan] reclines on his swivel chair in his antiseptic office. Flanked by two dogs, the hirsute critic types a few mindless words as the computer slides onto the rippling folds of excess flesh that spill off his lower abdomen. “Not glib enough, not misogynistic enough,” he mutters to himself. He slowly lifts his lame wrist and languorously depresses the delete key. ... He ruminates; he struggles; he licks the beads of sweat glistening on the surface of his unkept beard. “Hyperventilate,” he screams. And he raises his flaccid wrists in order to resume the arduous task of writing once again.

Charming. I'm sure Senator Clinton would be so pleased by this development.

Oh That's Just Wonderful.

AP:

NEW YORK (AP) - A city Health Department study finds that more than a fourth of adult New Yorkers are infected with the virus that causes genital herpes.

The study, released Monday, says about 26 percent of New York City adults have genital herpes, compared to about 19 percent nationwide.

The study doesn't break it down by borough -- I assume Shaolin is off-the-charts skeezy while Brooklyn is clean as a whistle -- but does note that "the rate is higher among women than men (36% versus 19%)."

Whoa.

Baby Steps.

Roger L. Simon:

I admit to having a BIG ego. ... Humility is not my long suit.

Excellent! Now if he'd just admit to being a hack and a reprobate.

Wingnuts, Start Your Engines.

By the end of the week, I wanna know what Tom McGinnis's counter top looks like.


Attack! Attack! Attack!

[via]

That's Kind of Stretch, Kurt...

Eh...

The central premise of [Senator Clinton's] campaign was that unless she became the nominee, McCain would win in November; therefore, her credibility depends on Obama’s losing. It’s like the psychopathology of the Sunni insurgents in Iraq: They have no chance of returning to power any time soon, but they can make life hell for their victorious sectarian opponents.

Yeah, you dumb fuck. It's exactly like that.

I Shouldn't Hold My Breath.

I don't suppose Putz will update this post to note the insanity on McCain's Website, do you?

Heh.

Deep Thought.

I hope the President with whom I wanna have a beer isn't on the wagon, like the last guy.

I Have Seen It All.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?*

The ‘noquarter’ blog run by Larry Johnson has been added to the blacklist for spinoff links; I won’t allow any more links to that site because it’s been proven many times over to be dishonest and untrustworthy. Unfortunately there are quite a few people who apparently have not gotten the message (I just had to delete 13 links to that pit), so it’s being automatically blocked now.

I’m not going to let LGF be used to disseminate dirty tricks and misinformation, for either side of this misbegotten election.

In short: Flowbie, erstwhile Mr. Bigshot CIA Man, is now too crazy for Charles Fucking Johnson.

How the dorky have fallen.

*Copy and paste link in a new window. We're getting the Sadly, No! treatment.

Do Ya Now?

Larry Johnson:

I support Hillary Clinton for President. I believe she will [sic] be a stronger candidate. And if I had the tape I would put it out in a heartbeat. Getting the tape out now does one of two things–either it persuades Super Delegates that Barack is not electable or it gives the Obama campaign time to repair the damage.

I now appreciate somewhat how Cofer Black, the head of the CIA’s Counter Terrorism Center, must have felt as he tried to warn Condaleeza [sic] Rice and the Bush White House about a brewing terrorist attack in the days leading up to September 11th.

...Shit. I just broke my own promise. I'll add a stipulation: I can mention Larry Johnson et al on the weekend. M-F it's all Putz all the time. Deal?

Who is Mihale?

The Times has a one-name obit writer?







...No. But that is a curious typo.

What Is Called A Reason For Living Is Also An Excellent Reason for Dying.

If you read only Putz's squib...

SHANNON LOVE ON STEVE CHAPMAN AND IRAQ. "Over at Reason, Steve Chapman rather sneeringly suggests that we should have the people of Iraq vote on whether to continue our military presence in their country. I think this is a fantastic idea, because I know exactly how they will vote."

...you'd think the overwhelming number of Iraqis want an endless occupation.

You'd be mistaken.

Mr. Love's post "overlooks" (ahem) this passage in Mr. Chapman's item:

A February poll found that 73 percent of Iraqis oppose the presence of foreign troops in Iraq—including 77 percent of Shiites and 95 percent of Sunnis.

If any sneering is being done, it's by Putz himself -- at the Iraqis, who by Love's own admission are "a sovereign nation," "recognized by the UN," and have a "government ... elected in a massively observed free election."

Indeed.

So, why are we in Vietnam Iraq?

Shit, That's Funny.

We should just outsource this thing to Mr. Willis:

Suddenly, the reasoning behind Obama’s run become clear: He’s not here for hope, he’s here for your liver.

Dude, where's my recession?

Right here, asshole.

I'm Off.

(Bill, there's no subtext.)

Worth Noting.

Mayhill Fowler has single-handedly broken more stories in two months than Pajamas Media has in two years.

Ouch.

(I'm pretty sure this says more about the shittiness of the latter than the reporting acumen of the former. But still.)

Burn in Hell, K-Lo.

K-Lo continues her hilarious crusade to disabuse us of the notion that Republicans are ill-mannered, illiterate rubes:








Mission not accomplished.

Attention, Glenn Reynolds.

This means you.

"Only a fool or a fraud talks tough or romantically about war."

"Street Organizer." (update)

I'm going to have to disagree with Ben and Chris Hayes about the term 'street organizer.' It's weird, I guess, but apparently Obama himself has described himself that way:

[Senator Kirk] Dillard said, “I remember Rickey chiding Obama that, ‘What do you know, Barack? You grew up in Hawaii and you live in Hyde Park. What do you know about the street?’ To which Obama shot back: ‘I know a lot. I didn’t exactly have a rosy childhood. I’m a street organizer by profession and a lot of my area, once you get outside the University of Chicago neighborhoods, is just as tough as your West Side, Rickey.’ ”

So I can't get too worked up, you know?

...Upon further reflection: It pays to be double-teamed sometimes. I was too flip. Yeah, that's some ugly shit.

Wrong.

Peggy Noonan, as is her wont, gets it bass ackwards:

A friend sent, by instant message, the AP flash that ran at 16:56 ET on 06-03-2008. There it was suddenly on my screen:

"*** WASHINGTON (AP)—Obama clinches Democratic nomination, making him first black candidate to lead his party."

[snip]

What kind of place makes a change like this? Only a great nation. We should love it tenderly every day of our lives.

No. The U.S. did not, as Noonan would have you believe, wake one day and think, "Golly, wouldn't it be nice to nominate a black man for President." Nor did Americans end slavery because, gosh, wouldn't it be nice to pick the cotton myself every now and then?

No. Barack Obama was nominated -- and Senator Clinton nearly -- to a great extent because it has become untenable to not nominate a black man or a woman.

That's just reality. And it's the same reality that Americans will not elect an atheist.

This change doesn't make America great, or exceptional. A great country would've been accepting of this scenario before it became a political necessity.

Why, Google? Why?

Damn you, Google! Why won't you acknowledge Colin Quinn's birthday?

"But the talk has started again."

For the record: the decision to "remove" the "clear and present danger" -- i.e. bomb Iran -- would be a disaster.

I suppose this puts me squarely "on the other side." So be it!

I Hate To Say This...

But there is certain strain of Clinton supporter that isn't worth persuad[able]².

We Obama supporters are told we ought to be conciliatory, and that it's in our best interest to spend the coming months kissing the asses of the bereaved 18 million.

I see the logic, I do.

But come on -- what the fuck?






I'm not asking for a denunciation of Flowbee's¹ House of Puffery; I'm merely pointing out what we're dealing with here.

Clinton supporters may shrug this off, but No Quarter is not a fringe site -- as much as I might like it to be. It's the coin of the realm of Clinton's activist base and is often linked from TalkLeft and Taylor Marsh, giving it what you might charitably call legitimacy.

40,000 visitors a day is quite a lot of crazy, if you ask me.

...Somewhat related: "I want to see Barack Obama out there courting the vote of all women. I want to see him talking specifically about what his plans are. But I've got no interest in seeing him court those who would use feminism, as a cover for their own blackaphoic views. Later for them. Let them vote McCain, and go join the party where bigotry is part of the platform. The rest of us have a country to save."

[via]

¹Believed to be the source of Johnson's moniker.
²Grace is as usual correct.

Complete the Sentence.

Politico:

First Read says Obama's map is much bigger than McCain's.

Highlight space for answer, or feel free to speculate.

Who's the Elitist Now, Motherfucker?

[via Josh]

Why Are You So Quiet Now, Standing in the Doorway?

I wonder how many more "Dude, where's my recession?" posts Glenn Reynolds will write before November.

I hope a lot.

Clueless tool.

Bill Quick is Cute Sometimes.

Last seen whining that Bush was just too darn liberal, Sgt Imtheguywhonamedthewankersphere Quick delights at KSM's desire for a death sentence:

I wish to make you a martyr, too, you barbarian savage. In fact, I would cheerfully pull the switch, unlatch the gallows, insert the needle, put the .45 slug through your right eye, or just cut your throat with a rusty scimitar smeared with hog grease and dog shit after wrapping you in a pig carcass.

Now, there's a man who needs a hobby.