"Hey, do you like these pumps in amber or celadon?"

Written by Leonard Pierce, sung to the tune of "Folsom Prison Blues":

I hear them trolls a-comin’
They’re trollin’ round the bend
I ain’t oppressed a colored
Since I don’t know when
I’m stuck in the Atlantic
My column’s draggin’ on
Hey, do you like these pumps in amber or celadon?

When I was just a baby
My mama told me “Meg,
Don’t be a libertarian
Or your face will fill with egg”
But I made a poll on Thursday
Just to fill some space
Now the only red in my state
Is the red on my face

I love them rich folks eatin’
In a fancy dinin’ car
I love that bottled water and Dominican cigars
I hate that regulation
I like my market free
But it won’t support my dress size
I’m almost six foot three

Well, if I was the mayor
If I wrote them zoning laws
I bet I’d gerrymander
And I’d answer just because
Far from all them coloreds
That’s where I want to stay
Hey, have you seen my monogrammed sweater?
I had it yesterday

I love Johnny, but that's better than the original.